No one begins a relationship or gets married with the thought of it ending. We often go in with our eyes wide open, full of hope and excitement. And although it’s fair to say that most couples have experienced challenging and complicated times, when those ‘challenging and complicated times’ start to swell and take over the good times, many people find themselves at the proverbial fork in the road asking themselves…hmmm..what do I do? Should I stay? Should I leave? Will I have regrets? What happened? People start to question their past as much as their present and thoughts about the future – their future. Your decision could be the game changer. The pivot. The tipping point.
8 Key Questions to Ask yourself:
2.) What are the factors that I feel are the most difficult to overcome? Meaning – what are the “weakest links” in the relationship or marriage?
3.) What have been 3 or 4 of the happiest times in your relationship or marriage? You should consider all of the time you spent from the beginning – when they first started dating. This is key because it’s rare that a couple cannot identify a happy time when they were dating. It’s difficult to identify these times when you are in a relationship that is causing you more unhappiness than happiness.
4.) What were two of the most difficult times in your relationship or marriage that you were able to overcome and why? How were you able to overcome them? Can you do that now? This question is important because not only does it go back to the strengths of your relationship, but it also forces the couple to remember the good times.
5.) What are two or three of the values that you and your spouse/partner still share in common? Values are the bedrock of a person. It’s how we live our life. Do you still share the same values and if so, what are they? How will they impact your decision to stay or go? What was lost?
6.) What would be the biggest loss if you became divorced or ended the relationship? When couples are married or coupled up for any length of time, there has been a huge investment in many different ways over that period of time. The loss would be experienced not just by the couple, but also by the family and friends that make up their community of people in their life. Couples start to think about the future and ending the relationship can often feel like a death.
7.) If I had my “perfect” relationship/marriage, what would that look like? If we both can make changes, can it change the direction of our marriage? Will that be ok with me? Are my expectations too lofty?
8.) What are two or three changes that I need to make to improve the marriage or relationship? How likely am I to make these changes? Do I want to? Do I have the energy? Am I invested in making those changes? Change starts with each person. It’s too easy – and incorrect – to say, if he/she did this, then I would change. It just doesn’t happen that way, and we can’t ask the other part of the relationship to change without making changes ourselves. Even though we wish it were so. We must be able to look at ourselves for change to occur.
Ending a relationship or marriage is rarely an easy decision. For the relationship to change, both people have to be willing to ‘bring some skin to the game’ and make changes. That’s how the direction of a relationship changes. It’s just that simple. Putting the time in at the front end and asking yourself these questions, will help you at the back end – ultimately helping you make your final decision.
Because isn’t your relationship or marriage worth taking the time to answer these questions to make sure that your final decision is one that you have truly considered so regardless of the path you choose, you have a clear conscious? Aren’t you? (YES you are!!)
Before you pick your path..ask yourself these questions. It will be worth it..
Still not sure? Or need help moving forward in a different direction, let’s chat!