At our fingertips – that’s where our virtual world lies. It’s easy – almost too easy – to embrace. A quick private message on Facebook with an old high school flame, a ‘curious’ visit to a chat room, or even just Googling someone that you met and want to get to know, can open up Pandora’s box in a flash. Within a short period of time, you find yourself iMessaging, emailing, sexting, and texting in ways that cross emotional boundaries with another person that isn’t your spouse or partner.

This may seem unacceptable and taboo – but research actually indicates that people have, on average, conversations of a romantic or sexual nature with two people besides their lover.

What is created through this is a pseudo-intimacy taking place behind a pseudo ‘screen’ boundary. Behind this pseudo-intimacy you easily and quickly disclose and share personal information – much more quickly than you may have otherwise. You look forward to connecting. It makes you feel alive and that much more disconnected from your spouse or partner. You begin to feel that there is something missing from your marriage. There often is, but it isn’t what you may think it is. This pseudo-intimacy is a connection that isn’t based in reality but tethered to a fantasy world – a world in which the other person appears perfect, flawless without the intrusion of reality. Under these circumstances, your marriage doesn’t stand a chance.

Some of the red flags include: daydreaming about this person, sharing emotional and intimate information about your marriage, you look forward to seeing him or her, and they become the first person you want to share information with. Need more? Read here.

However, before you go down the digital infidelity path of no return, consider these questions:

  • Where are you emotionally in your relationship?
  • Why are you reaching out?
  • What do you feel you are getting with this person that you are not with your spouse or partner?
  • Why do you think this will be good for your life or ok?
  • What prevents you from having the important conversations with your spouse or partner so that you can get your relationship back on track?

Before you embark down the path of no return, take the time needed to examine why you are considering having a relationship outside of your marriage. More importantly, answer this question: Can the issues in your marriage that are causing an emotional disconnect be addressed and overcome to save your marriage?

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